Anonymous discussion · Lonely
I need to answer my partner’s mother today about going to meet the family next month, and I typed yes and deleted it
I need to answer my partner’s mother today about going to meet the family next month, and I typed yes and deleted it. Then my partner messaged asking if I’m going to make this difficult again. We have been long distance for a while and I do love him. In normal things he is caring and dependable. But whenever marriage, money, where to live or my work comes up, the answer is always that we will figure it out after marriage. He wants me to move to his city because his work and parents are there. My freelance work is already uneven. Moving means losing local clients, paying a deposit again and rebuilding everything. I also don’t know what space I would have to work from, how often I could travel, or what household responsibilities he actually expects me to take on. I have asked these things before. He says I am making a simple matter complicated and worrying about details before even deciding to marry. Maybe I am. But his career and family location are treated as fixed facts, and my work is treated like something I can pause and restart. That is the part I cannot ignore. His family thinks we should give a clear answer before the end of the year. My family knows it is serious, but I haven’t told them how uncertain I am. They will mainly say he is a good person. He is a good person. That doesn’t automatically mean the arrangement is fair, I think. Part of me wants him to say, without being pushed, that we can find a plan where I keep earning and we share the adjustment. I also feel guilty that marriage discussions are starting to sound like a business negotiation. Should I agree to meet the family but insist on a proper practical conversation first? Or is agreeing to the meeting already moving forward when I’m not ready? I keep saying the problem is distance, but maybe I’m more afraid of the life waiting at the other end of it. I have a logo unfinished on my laptop and clothes still in the washing machine, and I’m just staring at this unread message.