Anonymous discussion · Lonely
I found out tonight that a small group of old college friends in Bengaluru had dinner without asking me
I found out tonight that a small group of old college friends in Bengaluru had dinner without asking me. I am in the WhatsApp group. Later one of them messaged casually that they assumed I was busy, and I replied that it was fine. It was not exactly fine, but also I understand why they assumed it. Over the last year I have declined three invitations. Sometimes I had work calls or travel, sometimes I was simply too tired, and sometimes I did not want to explain why I would be coming alone after the divorce. I had suggested coffee to one of them once, he gave me a date, and then I was busy and never followed up. So I cannot honestly say they did nothing. Still, seeing the photographs was unpleasant. I ate reheated rice and dal standing near the kitchen counter while looking at them, which is a very dignified way to spend an evening at this age. The group is now discussing another weekend plan. I have typed and deleted a message saying I would like to meet soon. It sounds needy to me. I do want company, but I also often prefer staying home to dressing, travelling across Bengaluru and answering questions about my life. Both things are true. What is bothering me more is that I cannot name anyone I would call without first checking whether it would be inconvenient. I do not want an invitation out of pity, and I do not want them to treat me differently because I am divorced. But I also seem to want them to notice my absence and make the first move, which is not a very practical arrangement. Should I just say plainly that I would like to be included, perhaps to one person rather than the whole group? Or accept that these friendships have become occasional messages and make an effort with new people here? I am turning fifty soon and do not want my social life to become only festival greetings and old photographs, but I am also not sure how much pursuing is reasonable.