Anonymous discussion · Lonely
I need to reply to my partner’s mother tomorrow about visiting their city next month to meet everyone, and I don’t know whether to say yes
I need to reply to my partner’s mother tomorrow about visiting their city next month to meet everyone, and I don’t know whether to say yes. I love him and he is generally caring and dependable. This is not a situation where he has done something terrible. But for around eight months, whenever I ask about marriage, where we will live, money or my work, he says we will figure it out after marriage. He wants me to move because his work and parents are there. My freelance work is in Kochi and my income is already uneven. I can’t just move and assume everything will somehow settle. Tonight I told him I need to discuss the visit first. He said I am making a simple thing difficult again, then went to sleep saying we will talk tomorrow. I typed “yes, I can come” in the family WhatsApp chat and deleted it. Now the message is unread and my laptop is showing an unpaid client invoice, which felt very on the nose. I know delaying the visit may look like I am rejecting him or his family. That is what makes me feel guilty. But agreeing also feels like saying yes to a future that has not actually been discussed. His work and parents are treated as fixed, and my work is treated as something I can adjust. Maybe I have allowed this by saying yes to small things because I am scared one firm no will end the relationship. Would it be reasonable to say I want to meet them only after we have a proper conversation about city, finances, my work and timing? Or should I agree to the visit and try to set those conditions separately? I keep waiting for a normal time to ask basic questions and every time it becomes proof that I am not easygoing enough.