Anonymous discussion · Need to talk
I have been unemployed for about six months, and I think I am becoming socially strange because of it
I have been unemployed for about six months, and I think I am becoming socially strange because of it. Tonight a group from my old Mumbai project shared dinner photos. Someone wrote that they missed having everyone together. The dinner had happened without me. Nobody had asked if I was free. I know this is not necessarily an insult. I had declined two earlier invitations because I could not comfortably afford the restaurants and did not want to explain why. After some time people will naturally stop asking. But I still felt bad seeing the photos. The spreadsheet with rent, groceries and remaining savings was open beside them, which made the whole thing look even more pathetic somehow. I am angry with them for continuing normally, although that is obviously unfair. I am also angry with my wife when she says I should make more effort locally. She is not wrong. She is trying to keep ordinary life going while I am withdrawing from it. An old friend replied to an earlier message today and cheerfully suggested we meet soon. I have drafted and deleted several replies. I want to ask him to meet for tea, but I do not want it to sound like I am asking for sympathy, money or a referral. I also do not want to say, “I felt left out,” because an ordinary invitation should not have this much emotional importance. The uncomfortable part is that they may reasonably think I prefer not to join. I often delay answering until the plan is over. I keep telling myself I will meet everyone after finding a job, when I feel normal again. But what if that takes longer? What if this quieter version becomes permanent? Should I send a plain message and ask one person to meet, without explaining everything? Or should I try making new local friendships instead of trying to recover a group connected to my old working life? I am not sure whether I miss the people or the version of myself who was wanted there.