Anonymous discussion · Overwhelmed
The application deadline is tonight and I have opened the form so many times that even the page looks familiar now
The application deadline is tonight and I have opened the form so many times that even the page looks familiar now. It is beside a half-filled steel bottle and three pages of untouched notes. I just close it and arrange something else. I have been preparing for around six months, but mostly making timetables, shifting notes and giving vague updates at home. I told my mother things were going better than they were. She is ready to send the fee, which somehow makes it worse. I am scared of failing, but also scared that if I stop, there will be no respectable explanation for the money and time already spent. A junior messaged me after clearing a similar stage and I was genuinely happy for her. Then I felt jealous and almost replied with some fake encouraging line. Deleted it. What would I even say when she thinks I have a plan? Everyone will say submit it, don’t overthink. Maybe they are right. But I don’t know if I am tired of preparation or actually done with this path. Part of me wants the deadline to pass so I don’t have to choose. My mother will call after dinner. I don’t know what to tell her.