Anonymous discussion · Overwhelmed
deadline aaj raat hai aur mummy ka message abhi bhi unanswered hai: fee transfer kar du
deadline aaj raat hai aur mummy ka message abhi bhi unanswered hai: fee transfer kar du? Maine form close kar diya. Bas. Laptop ke side mein half-filled steel bottle, folded notes aur missing documents ki checklist padi hai, jise main do baar rewrite kar chuki hoon. Six months se bol rahi hoon preparation chal rahi hai. Sach ye hai ki timetable, folders aur notes arrange karne mein zyada time gaya. Mummy ko vague updates deti rahi ki better ho raha hai. Ab form bharungi toh shayad ye prove ho jayega ki main preparation nahi, avoidance kar rahi thi. Ek junior ne poocha tha preparation kaisi hai. Maine “going well” type reply likhkar delete kar diya. Usko kya bolu? Aur mummy ko kya bolu? Agar apply nahi kiya toh baad mein khud ko blame karungi. Apply kiya toh paise aur ek aur cycle ka pressure hoga. Part of me chahta hai deadline khud nikal jaaye, taaki mujhe decision na lena pade. Please timetable ya “stay positive” mat bolna. Kisi ne aise time par application delay ki ho ya preparation ka time waste kiya ho toh actually kya kiya tha? Bas sunna hai abhi.